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Fifteen Jokes - Dissertation Abstracts International

» Do you know why the Army football team should change its name to the "Opossums?"
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

» Why doesn't Army have ice on the sidelines during games?
The guy with the recipe graduated.

» Three high school buddies went to different Academies: One to Navy, one to Air Force, and one to Army. Last summer they decided to go to the Olympics in Atlanta. However, they were broke and couldn't get in to see any events.
The Midshipman gets an idea and grabs a hubcap from his car. He walks to the gate and says, "I'm from Annapolis, and I'm a discus thrower." He's let in.

» The Zoomie finds a broom handle, goes to the gate and says, "I'm from Air Force, and I'm a javelin thrower." He's let in.

» The Woop looks around, finds what he needs and goes to the gate. He's wrapped in barbed wire, covered with splinters and is all bloody. The person at the gate says, "What the heck are you?" The Cadet replies, "I'm from West Point, and I'm a fencer."

» A Cadet and a Mid were strolling down the street when the Mid said, "How sad -- a dead bird." The Cadet looked up and said, "Where, where?"

» What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a West Point Cadet?
Six more weeks of bad football.

» An Annapolis computer science major was given an artificial intelligence assignment for one of his classes. He ended up creating a program where you could have a conversation with your computer based on your IQ level.
To test his program he entered "80" and had a conversation with his Soap Operas. He entered "100" and talked about politics. He entered "150" and talked about nuclear physics.

» Just to see what would happen he entered a -50 and the computer bumped and belched and sparked and smoked for a good 10 minutes. When it finally settled down it displayed "On Brave Old Army Team....."

» The Annapolis grad walked into the bar, sat down and said, "Hey barkeep, you hear the joke about the four West Point players in a farmhouse?" Chairs scraped behind him, and four of the biggest, meanest guys in the bar stood up. "We played for Army. You sure you wanna tell that joke?"

» The Navy grad smirked in disbelief and said, "What, and have to explain it four times?"

» How many West Point plebes does it take to change a light bulb?
None, it's a yearling course.

» After a long wait, two Army graduates finally get jobs at a sawmill. It was their first day on the job. Suddenly one screams, "OUCH!!! I lost my finger!"
The other glances over, "Oh yeah, how'd you do that?"

» "Well, I was just trying to touch this big spinning wheel like thi......Damn! There goes another one!"

» Two football players were given a special SAT test to meet their admission requirements to the Military Academy. Soon after the test began the first guy turns to the second guy and asks, "Old MacDonald had a what?"
The other replies, "He had a farm."

» The first asks, "How do you spell it?"

» To which the second replied, "E-I-E-I-O."

» A group of Army fans strut into a bar chanting "Fifty-one days! Fifty-one Days!" They're high-fiving and slapping each other on the back. The bartender says, "What'll it be?" to the head Cadet.

» Head Woop yells, "Champagne! We're celebrating! Fifty-one days! Fifty-one days!" Bartender asks, "What exactly is with this 'Fifty-one days?' " Head Woop answers, "We bought a puzzle marked from '3 to 5 years' and we finished it in 51 days!!! Whoo-hoo!!! Fifty-one days! Fifty-one days!"

» What are the best four years of a West Pointer's life?
Third grade.

» An Army football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.

» What do Army grads and tornadoes have in common?
They both move around a lot, but they all wind up in trailer parks.

» How come the Army football team doesn't have a website?
They can't string three "W's" together.